Bible Teacher. Pastor.Educator.

Trayvon Martin: Why I Am Fearful To Have A Son « IAmMarielleT

I am not a mother, but I hope to be one day. I reflect on the many conversations I want to have and life lessons that I want to teach my kids, especially my son. I envision teaching my son that he is to always respect and value a woman. I envision teaching him how to stand tall and be proud of who he is. I envision teaching him how to be a God-fearing individual and to respect all. I envision instilling in him the value of hard work and striving to be the best that he can be; to work hard in school and take his education seriously. Then, my mind creeps to that dreaded “talk” I will have to give him one day. No, not the “talk” about sex (my husband will be handling this topic) but the “how to survive and make it home as a Black male” talk.

I will have to look at my son and teach him to never run in public, especially with something in his hands because people will think he is stealing. I will have to teach my son that there are certain neighborhoods he can’t be in at night. I will have to teach him if and when he is driving and is pulled over by the police, to simply respond to them “yes, sir’ and “no sir” with both his hands highly visible on the steering wheel. I will have to look at my son and tell him “no matter how great of a kid you are; no matter how wonderful of a student and overall human being you are when you walk out of this house, to some, none of that will matter. To many, you will be viewed as a thug and unfortunately, just another nigger.” I dread the thought of having this conversation, but I know that if I want to see my son healthy and alive, it is one I will have to have.

It terrifies me to know that no matter how hard my husband and I will work to make sure our children are protected; that our son is protected, we can’t protect him from the racist element of the world. We can only teach him how to try to survive it. It devastates me to no end that it won’t matter how great the family is my son comes from and how amazing of an individual he is, he will be reduced to a stereotypical image of a Black male who is considered to be a worthless human being. It breaks my heart that this will be my son’s reality and unfortunately, this will perhaps be his son’s reality.

via iammariellet.com

10 Reasons I Survived a Church Split | nakedpastor

But I would not have survived without the following:

1. SUPPORTIVE LEADERSHIP: Even though we lost one of our leaders in the split, the leadership team was strong and extremely supportive. We could rely on one another without question. Because of the leadership, I look back on those years as the golden years of my ministry even though they were also the worst.
2. FREQUENT AND OPEN COMMUNICATION: The leadership did its best to pass on all and every piece of information to each other. Nothing was unimportant. We also shared as much as we possibly could with the congregation as a whole without jeopardizing the health of the church. We met as often as twice a week and communicated at least once a day. Looking back, perhaps we could have shared more with the congregation, but under such a volatile state it felt too risky.
3. WITHHELD CRITICISM: We refused to publicly criticize those we believed were instrumental in the split. In fact, we felt a personal spiritual mandate to be as sheep to the shearers: silent. This infuriated those who would base their decision of who to support on fact, which I believed was impossible to untangle. One of our leaders insisted that the fruit of the Spirit and the works of the flesh were the only criteria by which to discern under these conditions.
4. SOUGHT HELP: We shared our struggles with those leaders outside of our congregation we felt could be trusted and who sympathized with us. We even brought in a professional counselor to provide several sessions of group counseling to the leadership team. We did not share information with the simply curious.
5. PARTIED: We would get together as a leadership team as well as with other sympathizers to party. We ate lots of food and drank some good wine. The lighthearted nature of these meetings was intentional. We knew these were gossiped about but they were essential moments of reparation. We were sometimes able to laugh at ourselves and our circumstances.
6. READ INTELLECTUAL WORKS: I made a point of reading over my head, of reading important books of depth in order to provide me with a larger perspective, the big picture. Thinkers like Luther, Barth, Stringfellow, Foucault, etc., gave me enormous comfort and perspective during those years.
7. HELD ON TO HOPE: Even though almost everyone around us, they later admitted, believed we were “dead in the water”, we almost always refused to believe we were going down. We constantly held on to the hope that one day the struggle would be over and we would enjoy respite. There were black days, but the next day hope would shine again.
8. DON’T DENY: One of the things we allowed to happen at leadership meetings as well as regular church meetings was the expression of sadness. What we were experiencing was like nothing we’d ever experienced before, and the pain was excruciating. I believed this had to be freely expressed in order to move closer to healing.
9. DON’T COMPROMISE: Most splits are caused by a political decision, and because we were certain our decision was a wise and necessary one, we felt it would go against conscience and truth to compromise it, even if it meant an alleviation of pain. We were constantly advised to compromise our beliefs or our position. We paid for our steadfastness or stubbornness… however you look at it… but my conscience is clear.
10. ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE: What perplexed me and the leadership from the beginning was that not only did we believe we were right, but those who were giving us difficulty also believed they were right. I believe this idea injected patience and wisdom into the leadership team’s attitude rather than an arrogant and autocratic one. Thi

via www.nakedpastor.com