Dodge the Bullets ( Lessons from 20 years of Ministry)

Dear Young and Gifted Leader!

In the past 20 years of being in ministry, I have experienced a lot of pain and joy from serving Christ. My life has been a joy ride filled with unexpected opportunities and obstacles but God has been faithful even when I have been faithless! I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes, as well as observed others that have fallen victim to ministry malpractice. As you grow in your leadership skills and continue your journey guiding the young people of this generation to God, I urge you to heed the advice I am about to give.

Below is a list of seven bullets with which the devil keeps loaded in his gun. The bullets are busyness, bitterness, blurred vision, boredom, bad budgeting, bad buddies, and blind spots all have the potential to be lethal. Since I want you to thrive, and I want your ministry to be prosperous, I am using this moment to give you some knowledge that will hopefully allow you to make a bulletproof vest for yourself.

I have watched way too many young leaders start well and end poorly. Leading a ministry is the most wonderful life calling if handled correctly.

1) BUSYNESS

Busyness is probably the easiest bullet to fall victim too. Many young leaders make the mistake of equating productivity with busyness. By that I mean they are under the illusion that because they have a full schedule, they are getting a lot of work done. THIS IS FALSE.

Productivity is based on how smart you work, not how hard you work. Working less, but being focused and intentional, can produce greater results and lasting impact on the lives of people than long distracted hours of busyness. You want to make sure that you’re busy with the right projects.

An example would be, if you have to preach every Friday, and you know that by Wednesday you need to schedule time to prepare the lesson, but instead you busy yourself with attending sporting events for your teeangers, spending time on social media platforms and making personal phone calls.

Look at your schedule and plan out your week meticulously. Begin on Sundays. Schedule everything. Schedule a day off. Schedule personal time off. Not everything can fit but if you space it out well, you will get things done. Remember if it is important, you will make time for it.

2) BITTERNESS

A leader who refuses to pray about anything will become bitter about everything. Pray! Pray! or you will be bitter! Too many times I see young leaders, or people in ministry in general, who are bitter with God about their lives. This could be for countless reasons, such as being single, unexpected divorce, false accusations, reckless comments from parishioners, cheating spouses, rebelliousness children, medical problems, marital infidelity, stagnant churches, betrayal from a subordinate, physical illness, death in the family, marital problems, being overworked, unappreciated, etc. It is a very sad sight to see people of God upset at their Lord because life isn’t going their way or the way that they think it should be going. Pray! If you don’t , you will become bitter!

Bitterness leads to prayer-less. A prayer-less leader will destroy relationships with great people. An emotionally bitter leader attracts emotionally unhealthy workers, who attract emotionally unavailable youth, which leads to an overall bad environment. This is the worst kind of domino effect to get into.

Learn how to handle conflict well so that you won’t be experiencing bitterness. Below I have used some animal references to explain what I mean taken from Pastor Chip :

Dogs - You should strive to be a dog. Dogs are domestic, relational, loyal, and learn not to bite their owner. Even if a dog gets upset, they won’t attack someone they know, and after a long day, they are always a figure of comfort for those who love them. As a youth leader, you want to be loving like a dog. You might “bark” lightly to communicate, but always operate in love.
Sharks - Sharks go for blood, they wreak havoc and destruction on people using harsh words to crush people around them. When you hear that a shark is in the ocean near the beach, you know not to even enter the water. Human forms of sharks are sarcastic, critical, and self-made “expert” psychologists who believe they have a great assessment of other people’s motives.
Friend, you are not a shark, you are a leader! Leaders lead with convictions, tempered with compassion. Be wise in a conflict. Be humble with your words and do not assume you know what people mean. As a Youth Pastor, you never want to take the insecurities that you have sensed from people and use it as ammunition to hurt them.
Snails - Snails are slow to address issues, and when they do, they are very passive aggressive. Never use prayer time or preaching time as an excuse not to address conflict. Of course, you want to be Spirit-led, but God never instructs you to keep something bottled up. Learn to have hard conversations with peers and parents with gentleness and grace.
Snakes - Snakes hold onto words and phrases, and they remembers grudges to a “T”. A snake is the type to bring up a situation of you upsetting them months earlier. The difference between a snake and a snail is that the snake is even more meticulous in their records of your wrongdoing. They’ll know your outfit, the date, and even the weather of the day you hurt them. Their use of biting comments to communicate, breeds frustration, and the way old situations get brought up are always a surprise to whomever the victim is.
Turtles - Turtles hide behind excuses, isolate themselves, and shut down. Doing that with Senior Pastors, parents, and youth that have upset them make the church unhealthy. This Christian walk is not about isolation - it’s never a good idea to use avoidance as a solution to a problem.

Hopefully, my animal examples from Pastor Chip gave you an idea of what bitterness can look like so that you can identify it in other people or yourself. Every time there is a conflict, you have to ask what you can learn about yourself, God, and other people. If any of those animals sounded like you, then you need to make sure you do a heart check tonight and figure out what you can do to let go of the bitterness.

3) BLURRED VISION

God is the ultimate creator, and as His children, we have creative genes. Sometimes we get so many ideas for our ministry it is hard to decipher what is God’s vision and what is our own. Therefore, I suggest consulting with wise people - people who know you and can help you get confirmation on your vision.

When God gave visions to Moses, Joshua, and Paul (Saul), there was someone there to help refine the vision and help with execution. Young leaders with charisma think they have wisdom, but subsequently, they will refuse counsel because it’s “their vision”. I need to point out that just because you’ve had one vision that works, doesn’t mean they will all work - It also doesn’t mean that it’s from the Lord.

Visions are not infallible, no matter how pure your heart is, and every idea is not a good idea. One person is not smarter than everyone else together, so there is no harm in getting some opinions from people who care.

Sometimes, the vision is blurred because of money, strengths, weaknesses, bias, prejudices etc. Sit on ideas and revisit them after a few days to ensure that they aren’t poorly thought out. Also, pray about them for a few days to be sure it’s something the Lord is directing your towards.

An extra tip I want to give is to LISTEN when you are receiving feedback. Learn to say thank you, and don’t snap at people if they come against your idea. During a feedback session is not the time to defend your thoughts. Get in the habit of gathering advice, then in showing appreciation to the people who have taken the time to pray and critique you.

4) BAD BUDGETING

Financial problems have a way of destroying ministry because they distract from our calling by giving us mental distress. Money management is emotional, not logical. Unfortunately, many bible colleges do not teach young leaders about money management. It should though, because poor money management can “KILL” ministry. You will easily lose credibility for mishandling money. (one day, I plan to send a bill to congress to make all my ministry leaders take a class by Dave Ramsey on finances. It truly is of the utmost importance!).

Pay attention to how you can raise, spend, save, and invest more. Your ability to manage resources will also affect how much God can trust you. Be hard on yourself as you make your monthly budget. If you learn to be specific about costs when you plan staff dinners, youth retreats, and extra events, then that will show wisdom. You want to keep track of where your money is going and how it is being spent.

Another good tip is to send out a letter to people in the community, parents, businesses, and other organizations about how much your youth events cost - many don’t know - and they may send more or try to donate in order to bless the ministry or help it succeed. If you write things down, pray diligently and plan well, God has the opportunity to send you sponsors!

5) BAD BUDDIES

Your future is not determined by the dreams you have but the friendships and habits you develop. Habits are horrible masters. There are three categories of friends that most people have - healthy friends, good friends, and great friends. Spend most of your time with healthy friends, a lot of time with great friends, and little time with good friends. I say that because if you show me your friends, I can show you your future.

The three categories of friends that you want to work your way up to are coaches, cheerleaders, and confidants. All of these types are pretty self explanatory. My coaches help by giving me guidance and instruction. My cheerleaders motivate and hype me up when they see me doing well. My confidants are people who I trust with my emotions that can help me pray and give me wisdom when I am lacking.

Bad buddies will destroy ministry - they give bad advice that seems good, like with Job. His friends were Bible students, but they ultimately advised him incorrectly. That’s another reason why it is good to ask at least two people for advice, not just one. Ask God for great friends like my good friend Jeff....

My only extra feedback for this area of “buddies” comes into play if you are married. A spouse is a life partner and a ministry partner. Any relationship with a person of the opposite sex that causes friction in your marriage is automatically a bad buddy! I have seen Youth Pastors in relationships too close with students or other people at the church, and then giving their families left over energy. That is not how God designed it to be. Your ministry should not ruin your marriage or cause any bitterness. That is poor management of the household, which is not good in the eyes of God. Keep your family as your first line of buddies, and then everyone else after that.

6) BOREDOM

Boredom causes many leaders to make bad decisions. Boredom can give entitlement that makes for unhealthy activity, like building an intimate relationship before marriage, trusting teens prematurely, watching inappropriate things online, and being too close to teens of the opposite sex.

Do not depend on teens or church members to entertain you if you are bored. It is important to find a hobby and friends that are your age. Create a diverse crowd around yourself that like to do different things. That way, you’ll have some options when you find some idle time on your hands.

The greatest tool the devil uses is the illusion that you are alone. Isolation and boredom will get you out of the ministry mindset and drive you insane.

7) Blind spots

My last point is to discuss blind spots. Blurred vision is when you don’t see something clearly. Blind spots are when you can’t see something at all, which makes them even more paralyzing.

These blind spots, which many young and old leaders have, are undetected flaws that they can’t see, but other people can. Traditionally, the only way that someone can see blind spots is when they finally experience pain or make a major mistake, such as in their marriage, similar to how a new driver may doubt their car’s blind spots until they hit something.

God uses failure and unexpected storms strategically in our lives because He knows that identifying our blind spots is an important step to being a good leader. Flaws in our personality that we are unaware of hinder us from identifying the cause of major problems that we experience. You might know a blind spot if it’s a sore subject for you, meaning that whenever someone tries to bring it up, you are quick to defend yourself. When your inner attorney is activated, then you can be sure that you’re nurturing and shielding an aspect of yourself that is a problem.

Procrastination, being late, overeating, seeming rude, poor planning skills, and even body odor can be blind spots. Instead of facing the fact, most op to deliver excuses when confronted about the issue. But we can’t always believe what we think. Sometimes our children, spouse, other leaders, and close friends know what they are talking about when they speak about possible character traits that you need to work on.

Here are some ways to regularly check your blind spots:

Have intentional conversations with people who are close to you.

Refuse to interrupt your mentors.
Take notes and listen careful to your coaches.
Thank them for taking the time show you your weakness.

Read the book of Proverbs every day in the Bible. There are 31 chapters, one for each day of the month. I recommend Proverbs because it gives good perspective on time, relationships, energy, people, money, and especially yourself. The ability to take necessary action will be a catalyst to the impact to the lives of your youth. Proverbs provides amazing insight, and is a great way to begin your self-reflection time with the Lord (and be sure not to make notes for teaching as you read, just enjoy it!).
Invest in mentor relationships with older people of the same gender. As mentioned earlier in the “Bad Buddies” section, you need coaches! A great coach is crucial with anything you want to change. There is someone out there who has already experienced your blind spot and will know how to address it quickly, while giving practical advice on how to manage it. Be sure to ask your coach great questions, such as, “what would you tell me if you knew I would not be discouraged or disappointed with myself?”

Conclusion

Your biggest difficulty is leading yourself. That’s why it is imperative to stay in prayer, daily personal bible study, making great honest friends, developing good health habits, pursuing Intergrity and continue to learn from other great leaders! God has been good when I have been bad! God has been super good to me!!! It has not been luck, it has been the favor of God over my life. Yes! God has been good to me!!! God has given me the privilege to meet and preach to over 5,000 people every year and preach in over 500 venues in the last 20 years. I am honored that you chose to read my article. I love you and I believe in you.

Your Mentor and Friend!

Pastor James Owolabi