Subject: 10 Million Words
10 Million Words
Chelsea, Chelsea Bang BangPosted: 06 Apr 2010 11:15 AM PDT
This book brought my face-to-face with a question I had been asking myself for some time: what if I come across a book that, for one reason or another, I just can’t read? What if a book is so repulsive, so horrible, that my conscience just won’t allow me to continue reading it. Can I still say, then, that I’ve read all of the New York Times bestsellers? I decided early on that I would cross the bridge when I came to it and, when I saw Chelsea, Chelsea Bang Bang hit the list of bestsellers, I assumed I would have to face it at last.In the end, though, it was not filth that offended me as much as just sheer stupidity. The first chapter of this book is ugly–not as much graphic as just plain inappropriate, like when you try to tell a joke and it just goes bad. You realize that what you thought was funny, was actually not funny at all. After that opening chapter the book is far more childish and just plain stupid than lascivious as she looks at life and love and daughterhood and dog ownership. Chelsea Handler, whom I had known only from seeing her name on book covers, is clearly desperately immature and willing to do just about anything to gain attention. Her sense of humor, such that it is, is puerile, akin to the kind of nonsense that was so popular on that showJackass. She likes to mock people through pranks, she likes to laugh about farting, she likes to torment and mock and belittle. It’s terribly unsophisticated and, frankly, immediately tiresome. She makes herself so obnoxious that there is very little she could do, I think, to make herself or what she says in any way desirable or lascivious.Of all the books I’ve read this year, and I’ve read plenty, this one is easily the worst. Frankly, I can’t think of a single reason I would ever, under any circumstances, recommend it. I can’t even understand why anyone, anywhere would buy it. It’s not sexual enough to titillate, it’s not clever enough to amuse, it’s not sophisticated enough to cause reflection. It’s an utter waste of time, money, effort and atoms. It is very clearly a cash grab, Handler’s attempt to make a few more bucks before her 15 minutes of fame comes screeching to a halt. And I say that this can’t happen soon enough.If you look at the pictures of Handler on the book cover and compare to, say, images of her being interviewed, you’ll see that the cover photos are so heavily airbrushed that Handler is very nearly unrecognizable. You can see just the barest hint of her through all the Photoshopping. And it strikes me that this offers a parallel to the book itself. Here Handler gives a very one-dimensional and obviously fake version of herself. It’s as fake as her skin in that cover shot. She has constructed a fabricated version of herself that, for one reason or another, seems to appeal to readers. Perhaps her last two books, both of which sold very well, were clever or original or offered something (anything!) to commend them. Not so with Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. Books don’t get a whole lot worse than this one. They just plain can’t.Verdict: Read it never, ever, ever.
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