Vetrean Pastor, Life time Learner, Problem Solver, Servant-Leader and Motivational Speaker.

Trayvon Martin: Why I Am Fearful To Have A Son « IAmMarielleT

I am not a mother, but I hope to be one day. I reflect on the many conversations I want to have and life lessons that I want to teach my kids, especially my son. I envision teaching my son that he is to always respect and value a woman. I envision teaching him how to stand tall and be proud of who he is. I envision teaching him how to be a God-fearing individual and to respect all. I envision instilling in him the value of hard work and striving to be the best that he can be; to work hard in school and take his education seriously. Then, my mind creeps to that dreaded “talk” I will have to give him one day. No, not the “talk” about sex (my husband will be handling this topic) but the “how to survive and make it home as a Black male” talk.

I will have to look at my son and teach him to never run in public, especially with something in his hands because people will think he is stealing. I will have to teach my son that there are certain neighborhoods he can’t be in at night. I will have to teach him if and when he is driving and is pulled over by the police, to simply respond to them “yes, sir’ and “no sir” with both his hands highly visible on the steering wheel. I will have to look at my son and tell him “no matter how great of a kid you are; no matter how wonderful of a student and overall human being you are when you walk out of this house, to some, none of that will matter. To many, you will be viewed as a thug and unfortunately, just another nigger.” I dread the thought of having this conversation, but I know that if I want to see my son healthy and alive, it is one I will have to have.

It terrifies me to know that no matter how hard my husband and I will work to make sure our children are protected; that our son is protected, we can’t protect him from the racist element of the world. We can only teach him how to try to survive it. It devastates me to no end that it won’t matter how great the family is my son comes from and how amazing of an individual he is, he will be reduced to a stereotypical image of a Black male who is considered to be a worthless human being. It breaks my heart that this will be my son’s reality and unfortunately, this will perhaps be his son’s reality.

via iammariellet.com

How to Quickly Overcome Inexperience « Leadership Freak

10 dangers of inexperienced leaders:

1. Needing to be liked.
2. Blaming.
3. Emotional decisions.
4. Impulsiveness.
5. Trying too hard.
6. Neglecting the long term.
7. Focusing on symptoms rather than causes.
8. Aiming without pulling the trigger.
9. Meddling.
10. Forget to say thank you. (Speaking of thanks, many of these points were inspired by contributors on the Leadership Freak Facebook Page. Thank you!)

10 questions every inexperienced leader must keep asking:

1. What type of world are my behaviors building around me?
2. How many questions did I ask today?
3. What am I learning?
4. Am I acting or reacting?
5. When was the last time I spent an hour in self-reflection?
6. What’s the most fun?
7. Am I soliciting input from experienced leaders and staff?
8. Do I welcome ideas from everyone?
9. How are we leveraging everyone’s strengths?
10. Who do I feel threatened by? Why?

12 powerful suggestions for inexperienced leaders:

1. You matter in ways you can’t imagine. Watch your tone, body language, and attitude, everyone else is.
2. Be optimistic about the future and realistic about the present. Optimism frustrates others if you don’t acknowledge present realities and problems, first.
3. Challenges aren’t your biggest opportunity, people are.
4. Be tender when you’re being tough.
5. Remove manipulators and backstabbers. They may quickly deliver results but everyone around them slows down.
6. Courageously ask dumb questions. (From the Chief Security Officer of Microsoft)
7. Protect your team from political fallout and organizational interference.
8. Believe your perspective matters. Listen to yourself as well as others.
9. Avoid extreme reactions.
10. Recruit mentors, advisors, and, coaches. Get support.
11. Take responsibility.
12. Make the best interests of your organization and others your priority, always.

Bonus: Stick with it. The reason it’s called experience is it takes time.

**********

What can you add to these lists?

What can you modify or amplify?

via leadershipfreak.wordpress.com

Ten Life Lessons From Business

Ten Life Lessons From Managing and Consulting

1. You can be in charge, but you're never in control.

2. If you have a Powerpoint slide with a graph whose curve always points upward, you're lying. Delete it.

3. If you look at people through your own eyes, you'll judge them for who you think they are. If you look at them through God's eyes, you'll see them for who they can become.

4. You can't be good at who you are until you stop trying to be all the things you are not.

5. Charge what you are worth. If you don't, you'll begin to resent your employer or client, even thoughyou decided to take the assignment.

6. You can't control circumstances. You can control your response to them. Those who learn to respond thoughtfully and peacefully are the ones who are accorded trust and power.

7. Overt displays of position power show weakness.  Genuine humility shows power.

8. All groups aren't "teams". Often they are just collections of people who work really, really well together. Leave them alone.

9. No one can know how to be an effective leader until they've toiled as a dedicated follower.

10. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge applied with discernment.

via www.allthingsworkplace.com

Seven Reasons I LOVE Our Children’s Ministry! :: Perry Noble | Leadership, Vision & Creativity

#1 – It’s clean!  No nasty carpet!  No smells that make you want to projectile vomit.  No dirty floors!!!  I know that our kid’s area is clean…and that matters to every parent.

#2 – It’s safe!  Background checks have been ran on every staff member (in our church) and every volunteer that has any contact with children (or students!)  There is a volunteer security team that makes sure random people do not just walk through our kid’s area…and there is a solid check-in system where not just anyone can come pick the child up from their class, whoever checked them in must check them out.

#3 – It’s fun!  My four year old daughter LOVES CHURCH, LOVES IT!!!  I love the fact that “fun” is a value in our kid’s ministry!!!  Where in the world did we ever get the idea that kid’s must suffer through church?  Heaven is NOT boring, it’s going to be a massive party/celebration, church should be as well (especially for kids!)

#4 – Our Staff & Volunteers Are Awesome – Our children’s staff LOVE children!  Our volunteers love children!  They do not do what they do out of duty but rather delight!!!  If a staff member or volunteer the children’s area does not absolutely love children then they need to be moved to another area.  Kid’s can read right through an adult…and a ministry that isn’t based out of love for children will be unfruitful and ineffective.

#5 – Our Kid’s Know God’s Word – Every week on the way home from church I ask Charisse two questions (by the way, these are the two questions I’ve shared with our children’s ministry for over a decade in regards to what their vision should be for children’s ministry.  I have said that parents are going to ask their kids two questions every Sunday…which are…

• Did you have fun?  (This one is first 90% of the time!)
• What did you learn?

via www.perrynoble.com

The hardest person to Lead........ME!!!!

One of the hardest lessons I have learned is that self management is not easy. It is easier, but senseless to tell people about places you have never been.  It is wiser to lead people where you have been.  if I can lead myself well.  I will lead men well. People can then follow me and learn from me. My prayer is that God will use me to lead me well. The Leadership challenge for this black preacher is to allow God to manage my deepest fears and my deepest hurts for the next fourty five years of my life.

    In his fantastic work on Leadership. Tim Irvin ( the author of "Derailed"..the best book I have read on leadership this year after the Bible)  reflects deeply on self management: "Effective self mangementss is heavily depentdent upon good self -and other awarness. A lack of self and other awareness is a common denominator among those who derail. The ability to manage our relationships is heavily dependent upon our perspectiveness of what is going on within us and with others. ....Self aware individuals pay attention to their emotions  without being ruled by them. ..They understand that how to build their stengths and observe their limits."

Almost 10 years of Youth Ministrty 10 Tips for dealing with Parents in youth ministry and an excerpt from '3 Thing to Never Say to your Volunteers" from Youth Ministry Guru Doug Franklin Online

1. Remember that parents are a gift from God to their children. Affirm them during your youth talks.
2. Remember that there are no perfect parents. Never bash the parents in front of the kids. Pray for the parents.
3. The Mom is always right. Listen to her. Dont get emotionally attached to the "hot" single mom.  Never tell a student that her mom is hot!!! She may be hot but so is Hell. Keep your thoughts to yourself.
4. Respect the decisions of the Dad especially if they Homeschool their families. Home school dads are the boss. Respect dads. When shaking the hands of the couple always shake the hands of the dad first if you are a guy. If you a girl shake the hands of the mother first.
5. Learn from the worst parents on how not to treat "them" or their child. An honest soft sincere apology to a parents, 80% of the time turns away their wrath. Learn to say" I am sorry .....". 
6. Listen to what parents are not saying. Listen carefully to what kids say about church policies and politics.....you will hear what their parents really think of you.
7. Never disrespect a parent in front of their kids.
8. Honor your own parents.
9. Remember there are no perfect parents. 
10. Pray reguarly for God to parents of pre-teens. Always listen to them. Most of the time..mom is just afraid. Listen to her fears.

Doug FankIn gives some good insight:

3. Never say to your volunteers: Parents don’t get youth ministry or the pastor doesn’t get youth ministry

When you disrespect an authority volunteers get nervous. They know that you’re not in charge and that you don’t have the experience most parents and pastors have. Your disrespect of these people will make you look immature and stupid. I know at times you are frustrated with them but you need to learn submission. Taking your frustration out in your front of your volunteers will do more to hurt your leadership than almost anything else. Speak highly of your parents and pastors. Give them respect and the other volunteers will respect you

via www.dougfranklinonline.com

Taking Care of the People who serve with you ....HerbertCooper.com | Thoughts from a husband, father, pastor and friend.

Take Care Of Your Team pt. 2

October 19, 2011 in General

6. Be a blessing to your team’s kids. On their birthdays, buy them a card or a gift, but whatever you do, remember and honor their kids’ birthdays.

7. Provide a card or even a gift when your team or your team’s spouse has a birthday or wedding anniversary.

8. Provide extra benefits or perks for people who have been on your team a long time. The 5 year mark, 10 year mark,15 and 20 year marks are great times to reward people for their longevity. Reward faithfulness and fruitfulness.

9. When possible, bless your team with some extra time off during the Christmas holiday season. A couple extra days off can make a huge difference in your team’s energy level, and it let’s them know that you value and care about them and their families.

10. Celebrate victories and have a blast with your team. Have staff parties. Eat together. Play fantasy football together. Go on a fun retreat together. Go to a conference together. Whatever you do, laugh a lot and have fun with your team.

Take Care Of Your Team

October 18, 2011 in General

1. Be sure to truly love the team of people you lead.

2. Be there for your team during difficult times.

3. Make sure your team is staying healthy in all areas of their life. Periodically, ask them how they are doing.

4. Make sure your team takes their vacation time to recharge their batteries.

5. Pay your team as well as you can, and do your best to provide health insurance and other benefits to take care of your team.

More tomorrow!

via herbertcooper.com

It may the best teacher but ....Experience is a Brutal teacher....."I would rather learn from other people's mistake.......

Lord.... I really want to be teachable. I want to learn from your heart.  I do not want to only learn from  my experience. I want other people to pay my "dumb tax". I want to stand on the shoulder of the generation before me and learn from them. I do not want to tear down a wall before asking why the wall was built.  Lord thank you for my mentors and thank you for the men and women in my life who speak the truth when I do not want to hear it. Lord give me the humility to listen to my teachers. God may  I never stop learning. 

Proverbs 9:9: Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.

 

"Experience is often a brutal teacher. Experience eats up your most valuable commondity: time. Learning from experience can eat up years. It can steal an entire stage of life. Experienc can leave scars, inescapable memories, and regret. Sure, we will all live and learn. But living and learning dont erase regret. And regret is more than memory. It is more than cerebral. It's emotional. Regret has the potential to create powerful emotion-emotions that have the potential to drive us a person right back to the behavior that created the regret to begin with. If regret can be avoided, It should be".-Andy Stanley from 'The Principle of the Path'

1. Lord make my heart teacheable.
2. Lord give me a new heart daily.
3. Lord my heart is prone to wander.
4.  Lord aid my mind that loves wandering into places where your grace is seems invisible.
5. God feed my soul with your truth daily. 
6. Speak words to my  heart when it is broken oh Lord!!!
7. You only Lord are my rock!!!!!

Some wise but simple thoughts for Pastors ( Parents of Teenagers) or Leaders......Welcome to the Wall | The Resurgence

This I do believe by James Owolabi.............

1. I believe in getting 6 - 8 hours of sleep everyday.
2. I believe in getting a 40 minute "handsome nap" everyday.
3. I believe in excercising one hour six days a week when I am not traveling. 
4. I believe in connecting with a friend in ministry once a week.
5. I believe in having lunch with a vetrean in ministry once a month.
6. I love food so watching my diet is hard but thank you Pastor Mark.......

Thank you for these wise words......from Pastor Mark Driscoll.........

Get your sleep. If you don’t, you will get sick and it only gets worse. 

 

Watch your diet. You will be tempted to self-medicate with junk food, caffeine, and energy drinks. Don’t. 

 

Watch your alcohol, if you drink at all. Since it is a depressant, increasing your alcohol intake when you are slouching toward depression and exhaustion is a big mistake.

 

Watch your temptation. The more fatigued you get, the more easily tempted you become. Take more precautionary measures during this season of the year to safeguard your holiness.

 

Watch your anger. Whereas women internalize their depression and manifest it with emotion, men externalize their depression as anger and manifest it with explosion. 

 

Get some exercise. It helps you work out your frustration, aids sleep, and is good for your health.

 

You really need your day off, especially during trying seasons. Guard it. If you don’t take a voluntary Sabbath you will take an involuntary one for counseling and/or hospitalization. 

 

Keep going by the grace of God,

Pastor Mark

 

via theresurgence.com

Kid Dies From a Video Game Marathon

Twenty-year-old Chris Staniforth, who reportedly played the game “Halo” on his Xbox for up to 12 hours at a time, died in May from deep vein thrombosis, a condition triggered by sitting for extremely long periods of time. A coroner said that there was a blood clot that formed in Staniforth’s leg that moved up to his lungs to cause a fatal pulmonary embolism, the New York Daily News reported. This problem usually occurs among people who sit on a long-haul flight, according to the Mayo Clinic. Symptoms involve leg swelling from the blood clots, followed by shortness of breath, chest pain and dizziness.

You and I may feel this is an exaggerated illustration. Unfortunately, it is not an isolated case. Many kids suffer from the problems of sitting in front of video games or computers that results in physical problems—not the least of which is obesity.

So—what are we to do as caring adults?

1. Balance screen time with face time. For every hour in front of a screen, plan an hour of real-life experience with people.
2. Discuss the downside of video games and social media with kids. They’re not all bad, but kids should know that there is a negative impact to this lifestyle.
3. Put limits on video game time and be sure kids get up and move around every two hours, for their brains’ sake as well as their bodies’.
4. Create interest in “real” problem solving exercises, by engaging students in discussing genuine problems around the world. Students can get involved in fixing dilemmas that are real, not virtual.

Any further suggestions from you?  Is this a real problem in our culture?

Tim

via blog.growingleaders.com