Vetrean Pastor, Life time Learner, Problem Solver, Servant-Leader and Motivational Speaker.

3 Reasons to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your ChildrenBlog | Grace Family Baptist Church

1. Our children will eventually leave home. Prepare your marriage for the empty nest:
To my knowledge, I’ve never talked to a person who divorced after twenty-five or thirty years who didn’t say something like this: “Once the kids were gone, we realized we really didn’t have much of a marriage.” Building a marriage on the foundation of the preeminence of children is like building a house on a rented removable slab. You may have days or even years when you feel completely secure, but the day is coming when the lease will be up and the foundation upon which your home stands will be taken away. A family shepherd must not allow his family to fall into this trap.

2. Our marriage forms the cornerstone of our children’s security:
Ironically, those who prioritize their children above their marriage are not only jeopardizing their marriage, they’re actually depriving their children of the very thing they desire to provide them. The greatest source of security our children have in this world is a God-honoring, Christ-centered marriage between their parents. Putting the children first is like a police officer putting away his badge and gun in order to make the public feel more at ease. A family shepherd must put his marriage before his children in order to provide them with the security they both need and desire.

3. Putting your marriage first will actually prepare your children for marriage:

Prioritizing your children above your marriage is both foolish and dangerous because it sets a precedent that contradicts one of the greatest lessons you’ll ever teach your children—how to be good husbands and wives. We must first and foremost model a commitment to marriage. Failure to do this will communicate ideas that are contrary to what we believe—starting with the narcissism it tends to create in our children—including the pitfalls that may follow them into their marriage. For example, if we prioritize our children above our marriage, we teach our children that marriage exists for children. If this is the case, how will our children react to the early months or years of their marriage when there are no children? How will they respond if, God forbid, they should struggle with infertility? If the heart of marriage is “living for the kids,” these scenarios could be difficult at best.

via www.gracefamilybaptist.net

Trayvon Martin: Why I Am Fearful To Have A Son « IAmMarielleT

I am not a mother, but I hope to be one day. I reflect on the many conversations I want to have and life lessons that I want to teach my kids, especially my son. I envision teaching my son that he is to always respect and value a woman. I envision teaching him how to stand tall and be proud of who he is. I envision teaching him how to be a God-fearing individual and to respect all. I envision instilling in him the value of hard work and striving to be the best that he can be; to work hard in school and take his education seriously. Then, my mind creeps to that dreaded “talk” I will have to give him one day. No, not the “talk” about sex (my husband will be handling this topic) but the “how to survive and make it home as a Black male” talk.

I will have to look at my son and teach him to never run in public, especially with something in his hands because people will think he is stealing. I will have to teach my son that there are certain neighborhoods he can’t be in at night. I will have to teach him if and when he is driving and is pulled over by the police, to simply respond to them “yes, sir’ and “no sir” with both his hands highly visible on the steering wheel. I will have to look at my son and tell him “no matter how great of a kid you are; no matter how wonderful of a student and overall human being you are when you walk out of this house, to some, none of that will matter. To many, you will be viewed as a thug and unfortunately, just another nigger.” I dread the thought of having this conversation, but I know that if I want to see my son healthy and alive, it is one I will have to have.

It terrifies me to know that no matter how hard my husband and I will work to make sure our children are protected; that our son is protected, we can’t protect him from the racist element of the world. We can only teach him how to try to survive it. It devastates me to no end that it won’t matter how great the family is my son comes from and how amazing of an individual he is, he will be reduced to a stereotypical image of a Black male who is considered to be a worthless human being. It breaks my heart that this will be my son’s reality and unfortunately, this will perhaps be his son’s reality.

via iammariellet.com

Why You Should Raise Your Kids in the City | This Is Our City | Christianity Today

The darkness of the city is easy to see. In the first few years we lived here my sons saw, from the vantage point of the back of our van where they were waiting for us to come out of the evening service, a robbery suspect chased down the sidewalk, caught, and spread-eagled, handcuffed, and Mirandized on the hood of the car parked behind us. We drove past hookers in silver lamé bikinis and stilettos, watched over by their pimp, on our way home. We watched one man knock another one out in a fistfight at a street fair; and, memorably, a well-dressed man in the financial district drunkenly fall to his knees, vomit all over himself, and then stagger off.

Naturally, these incidents were the subject of lengthy family conversation and discussion. That sin should be so visible, and appear in its true, ugly colors, is of inestimable value in a culture that glamorizes depraved behavior, laughing off drunkenness and promiscuity as "partying," and mocking those who don't participate. I never had to give one lecture on the evils of drunkenness to boys who had seen them live, in living color, for themselves.

But in the city, your kids see sin and its consequences while you are still with them and can help them process it. Eventually they're going to encounter it for themselves, usually when they leave the protected environment of home for the big wide world—just when you are no longer around to discuss things.

I have had parents counter this suggestion by saying that, as valuable as processing the ugliness of this broken world with your children might be, there is such a thing as seeing too much, too soon. Possibly so, but my daughter-in-law (with degrees in education from Vanderbilt and Harvard in primary and secondary education, and with experience in teaching both) pointed something out to me: If children are really that young, too young for some sights, they simply won't see them, or understand what they're seeing. Children find a great deal of the world inexplicable, so the very young are not usually in danger of being damaged by fleeting glimpses of the sordid world. By the time they are old enough to notice what they're seeing, it's time for parents to be talking to them about it, anyway. And it's usually way younger than you thought!

via www.christianitytoday.com

For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage - NYTimes.com

Others noted that if they married, their official household income would rise, which could cost them government benefits like food stamps and child care. W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, said other government policies, like no-fault divorce, signaled that “marriage is not as fundamental to society” as it once was.

Even as many Americans withdraw from marriage, researchers say, they expect more from it: emotional fulfillment as opposed merely to practical support. “Family life is no longer about playing the social role of father or husband or wife, it’s more about individual satisfaction and self-development,” said Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University.

Money helps explain why well-educated Americans still marry at high rates: they can offer each other more financial support, and hire others to do chores that prompt conflict. But some researchers argue that educated men have also been quicker than their blue-collar peers to give women equal authority. “They are more willing to play the partner role,” said Sara McLanahan, a Princeton sociologist.

via www.nytimes.com

Is Technology Killing Your Family? « Orange Parents

So, who’s to blame? It’s easy to finger technology for creating a relational disconnect. According to a recent study, only 35 percent of tweens and teens feel emotionally close to their dads, and only 59 percent feel emotionally close to their moms.

We can pretend that life was simpler back in the day before WIFI left no room unconnected. When you’re struggling to have a conversation with your kids, and between the Wii and YouTube you can’t get a word in edge-wise, it’s natural to think technology has killed your family.

I’m not sure it’s that simple. Here’s a question to wrestle with: What if technology isn’t good or evil, but simply reveals and amplifies what’s already there?

There may indeed be a relational disconnect, but many of us grew up in a home where the primary activity we shared decades ago was watching TV. (Ironically, that’s still the number one activity parents and teens engage in together today.) And more than a few of us grew up in homes where relationship was hard to come by. Many children of the sixties, seventies and eighties had parents who worked long hours, moms who were busy with friends, distracted by book clubs or endless housework, or dads who came home only to disappear to the golf course or to the garage to tinker all night. Distraction and disconnection aren’t new.

Maybe technology is simply revealing and amplifying a problem that’s been with us for awhile.

Which is why I’m so glad you’re with us this week on the blog: relationships within families are worth fighting for and technology doesn’t have to kill your family. In fact, technology gives us incredible opportunities and the potential for unprecedented connectedness. But like all things, it needs to be managed so it becomes a servant of what matters most–our relationship with God and each other.

Something else to think about: there’s a reasonable likelihood technology is here to stay. So, this week we’ll explore ways to approach technology that might help your family manage it well.

In the meantime, take some time to evaluate the state of relationship in your home. To get started, ask yourself this question:

If all the technology in your home was removed tomorrow, what would be left of your relationship with your family?

I realize that can be a tough question, but tough questions can lead us to great places relationally. Especially if, like me, you like technology.

So, if the power went out and the WIFI and cable went down, what would be left of the relationships in your home?

via www.orangeparents.org

Hey Brothers....Young men......20 “little things” that could change your marriage

Doug, you made me mad last week because I was too dumb to notice the simple things I wasn’t doing. After I left you I made a list of 20 doable things that I would pursue this week.”

Here’s his list:
1. Clean up my dishes
2. Not leave clothes on the side of my bed
3. Put the toothpaste in the drawer (I usually leave it out)
4. To hug/kiss her right when I come in the house
5. Fill-up the gas in her car
6. Not watch TV in bed when she’s trying to sleep
7. Write her a short note and put in her briefcase
8. Don’t read the mail and leave the envelopes out
9. Put stuff back in the refrigerator
10. Walk the dog at night so she doesn’t have to
11. Be more affectionate
12. Listen to music instead of sports’ radio while we’re getting ready
13. Turn the lights off when I leave a room
14. Offer to help the kids with their homework
15. Comment and affirm her more often
16. Ask her if I could do the shopping this week
17. Don’t bring my phone to the dinner table
18. Care more deeply about her day
19. Make the bed
20. Bring home flowers/dessert/gift one night a week

via www.dougfields.com

What do I think of interacial marriage????Good questions!!!!!!!Watch the video below........

 

Man Enough to Love a Real Woman by Joshua Rogers Sobering but very thoughful article......I loved it....I am reprinting this...

Man Enough to Love a Real Woman
by Joshua Rogers

Cory, one of my happily married friends, was annoyed with some of his single, male buddies.

"Joshua, it's so irritating," he said. "I suggest a woman to them, but they say 'she's not attractive enough,' or she's lacking in some other area. And here's the crazy part: In every case — without exception — the woman is way out of their league."

I shook my head. "I know. I used to be like those guys, always finding a problem with every woman I dated. I didn't realize I was the one with the problem."

And my problem was pride. I measured women against a vague standard of perfection that eliminated each woman almost as soon as I met her. It was a pageant of sorts, where women were scored in a number of categories. And somehow I had gotten it into my head that I was worthy to be their judge.

The Perfect Christian Girl

I was like a lot of single, Christian guys. I just wanted to follow God's will in finding a wife — that's all — oh yeah, and I also wanted a modest version of the Cosmo girl. And, well, I didn't want her to be too needy. Oh, and she also needed to be smart — really smart — but not, like, so smart that she made me feel stupid. And, of course, she needed to be spiritually mature (you know, like me). And one more thing: I wanted her to have a cool and fun personality (whatever that meant).

In other words, I wanted to date the perfect Christian girl — not a real woman.

Of course, I knew what a real woman was like. I grew up in a Christian home with lots of real women around, each of them imperfect in one way or another, yet fully feminine. These women had opinions, unshakable faith, curves, feelings, hormonal surges, weight fluctuations, talents, wrinkles and a regular need for affirmation. It didn't bother me: It was part of who they were, and I loved them for it.

But when it came to prospective mates, I wasn't so gracious. I figured I deserved to have the best qualities of every woman wrapped into a nice package, waiting at the end of a rainbow. And yet, despite meeting dozens of women in my quest, I could never find that perfect, Christian girl. But that didn't stop me from looking for her — until I discovered that, in fact, I wasn't the perfect Christian guy.

Dealing With Reality

Just before meeting my lovely bride, a series of unfortunate circumstances and poor decisions collided, bringing out my worst (seriously, trust me, it was ugly). When the train wreck was over, I felt I would be lucky if any Christian woman would take me. Though it may sound like it, I wasn't suffering from low self-esteem. I was finally dealing with reality.

Before, I assumed my future wife should have the perfect intellect, teeth, personality, body type, people skills and past. But in the face of my brokenness, it occurred to me: An imperfect guy can't demand something from a woman that he can't give.

Learning Humility

Around the time of that revelation, I met my wife at a party on Capitol Hill. Unlike before, I didn't think, I'll consider taking that girl out. I thought, I wonder if she would go out with me. I cautiously introduced myself, and as we talked, I found myself focusing on her qualities, rather than mentally trying to ferret out her deficiencies.

We eventually began dating, and I continued humbling myself — indee

via www.boundless.org

Love: 1 Corinthians 13: 6 - Text Sermon by Pastor James Owolabi...Journey Community Church In Tacoma Ocotober 23rd 2011

    Love Is A Verb

Sermon by Pastor James Owolabi Preached at Journey Community Church October 23rd 2011 am Service

1 Corinthians 13:6 by James Owolabi

Series:Love

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Christians who have the Love of God in their hearts do not delight in evil. They rejoice with the truth because they understand that:

• God does not rejoice in the destruction of the wicked.

• God’s grace is greater than any sin. 

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace. – Jerry Bridges

• God values a heart of repentance over a head full of religion. 

Our first problem is that our attitude towards sin is more self-centered than God-centered.

• We are more concerned about our own "Victory" over sin than we are about the fact that our sin grieves the heart of God.We cannot tolerate failure in our struggle with sin chiefly because we are success oriented, not because we know it is offensive to God" - "Pursuit of Holiness" Jerry Bridges

 Tips for the Journey

1. Seek to love without expectation.

2. Learn to ask forgiveness when you hurt those you love.

3. Seek to give grace to those across “the hallway”.

Back to message list

via journeyencounter.org

Kid Dies From a Video Game Marathon

Twenty-year-old Chris Staniforth, who reportedly played the game “Halo” on his Xbox for up to 12 hours at a time, died in May from deep vein thrombosis, a condition triggered by sitting for extremely long periods of time. A coroner said that there was a blood clot that formed in Staniforth’s leg that moved up to his lungs to cause a fatal pulmonary embolism, the New York Daily News reported. This problem usually occurs among people who sit on a long-haul flight, according to the Mayo Clinic. Symptoms involve leg swelling from the blood clots, followed by shortness of breath, chest pain and dizziness.

You and I may feel this is an exaggerated illustration. Unfortunately, it is not an isolated case. Many kids suffer from the problems of sitting in front of video games or computers that results in physical problems—not the least of which is obesity.

So—what are we to do as caring adults?

1. Balance screen time with face time. For every hour in front of a screen, plan an hour of real-life experience with people.
2. Discuss the downside of video games and social media with kids. They’re not all bad, but kids should know that there is a negative impact to this lifestyle.
3. Put limits on video game time and be sure kids get up and move around every two hours, for their brains’ sake as well as their bodies’.
4. Create interest in “real” problem solving exercises, by engaging students in discussing genuine problems around the world. Students can get involved in fixing dilemmas that are real, not virtual.

Any further suggestions from you?  Is this a real problem in our culture?

Tim

via blog.growingleaders.com